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The Anti-Bride

July 23, 2010

I missed out on the bride gene.  Somewhere along the construction of my genetic code it skipped right over me, along with athleticism, clear skin, and the ability to get a tan.  I was never one of those girls who clipped photos out of bridal magazines or practiced writing my name on the corners of school notebooks with a “Mrs.” in front of it.  I never had “colors” or a dream gown or the perfect location.  So when I found myself engaged, with 9 months to plan a wedding, I had neither an idea nor a desire to plan this day that would be the start of the rest of my life.  My wedding sent my friends and family into a euphoric place of silk and petals and string quartets, but it sent me into a therapist’s chair.  Literally.  After 10 weeks of therapy, the status on my sanity is still yet to be determined.

While I did not dream about a wedding day, I do have to say I was a girl who dreamed about marriage.  For all the starry eyed thinking that goes into wedding planning for most girls, I probably spent twice as much time over the course of my 24 years fantasizing about marriage.  And here I sit, with exactly a week until my wedding day, and I can honestly say that nothing I imagined about a wedding or a marriage is proving to be true.  It is so much more than I ever knew, and the dream of any of it does not come close to the reality of experiencing it.

So for all you “anti-brides” out there, this blog is for you.  Perhaps it will be a place to understand that, no, you are not failing in your first task as a soon-to-be wife if you are not oodling (made up word) over place cards and invitation fonts.  There is nothing wrong with you if the excitement for your upcoming  marriage is not coming through due to your inability to cry while writing your own vows.  With or without the bride gene, this journey is about the start of something beautiful between two flawed people, who are praying for grace to hold them together.  It’s the start of mistakes, forgiveness, and laughter.  Here’s to the beginning of all beginnings…the start of being eternally and wholeheartedly committed.

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