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Is Love Enough?

June 11, 2012

Dear Baby Boy,

People keep telling me what we will need for when you arrive: bouncy things, special bottle cleaners, gas drops, and even a pee-tent. I try to write it all down. I try to make a list that I will remember. Then in a moment of sanity, I cross it all out and remind myself to simplify it all – surely, little boys don’t need that much. I try to focus on the essentials. I try to focus on real heart-to-heart needs.

I know your daddy and I can give you a lot. I know we’ve got a lot of love. I know we’ve got a lot of faith. We have boundaries and laughter and grace in our home. We have screw-ups and mistakes and we say a whole lot of “I’m sorrys.” We can teach you forgiveness and show you joy, I hope. We can give you us, but do you think that’s enough? Is that enough love to live off of?

I’ve been thinking a lot about family. Your little cousin was born 3 weeks ago. Good Lord, is he cute. He’s growing and changing and he’s all brown hair and pouty lip and bright, alert eyes. I keep looking at pictures of him – pictures he’s never alone in. He’s being held by your uncle and your nanny and friends and family that knew me when I was little too. He gets nuzzled by the dogs and taken for strolls in the Colorado sunshine and I’m just so happy to see him surrounded by that much love. I’m so happy he gets to know that kind of wholeness. I hope it’s the most completing kind of love for him. I hope it fills him everyday.

But you only get us. You only get me.

I can’t give you Colorado. I can’t give you New York.

I can only give you what’s here. Just me and your dad. Just the three of us.

I know there are airplanes and holidays and cards and Skype. I know there are phone calls and video cameras and photos that we can frame. I know that love comes through iPhones and Nanny’s neat cursive and the long drives between states.

I know that love multiplies.

I know it is not held by distances.

I know it is not bound by time.

But this is all I can offer you, sweet baby boy. All I can give you is me. All I can give to you each day is my hand to hold, my arms to be cradled in, and my heart to beat in sync with yours. I can only give you my voice to sing you to sleep and read you your bedtime stories.

I can’t give you Colorado. I can’t give you New York.

I can only give you what’s here – our family, this family – and I hope we’re enough.

I hope our love can be enough.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Franny permalink
    June 11, 2012 9:15 pm

    The love you two have will be so much more than enough sweetie. Lately, I too, have been wondering how I will be able to show your little one how much I love him with distance too. But, then I think of how important Grandmom has been to all of you and what a special place she has in your heart, and I am reassured. He will know how much we love him…I am sure of it.

  2. June 11, 2012 9:16 pm

    There will be enough. And the extended family will make every effort to add to your enough, too. Our first was born in a mission hospital in the center of Africa. We brought her home at 5 months – and there was enough love on both sides of the Atlantic. Maybe some day you will be closer to either Colorado or New York. Who knows? And in the meantime, you will make the very best of it, the most of it. Your boy will flourish. Count on it.

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