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What To Do During a Birth Video: My Wisdom When You Need It

August 15, 2012

As of last week, we successfully completed our 4 birth classes. Apparently this is a milestone for new parents. Apparently, I could be filling up my tank at the gas station, feel a rush of baby fluid spill out onto the only pair of shoes that still currently fit me (flip-flops), and have every bit of working knowledge I need to guide myself through labor. Oh yes, we are birth preparation champions.

I know we’re birth preparation champions because of the 10+ birthing videos we watched. These were not for the faint of heart. These were not for wimpy parents. And because we decided to channel our inner hipsters and take Hypnobirthing class (oh, I know you’re intrigued now – go look it up), these videos were not for the shy nor the conservative. I saw more unnecessary nudity in these films than the time my girlfriends and I decided to watch Fatal Attraction. I saw women squatting in rivers, women birthing in clear glass tubs, and women bearing down on birth bars to get their children out.

Awkward? Not if you’re a birth preparation champion. Not if you, like the Boy Scouts, are always prepared.

Below is my list of sage wisdom to get you through your own experience watching birthing videos. Feel free to choose the advice that works for you, blend pieces together, and make the experience your own.

  1. Make awkward jokes. Feeling uncomfortable with the breasts and fluid and moaning sounds? Be THAT kid in the class who makes inappropriate jokes in an attempt to get everyone laughing. However, when you realize no one is laughing and your instructor is staring at you, take that as a hint to tone it down. Perhaps you are meant to be more mature with the content of the videos. But, if you are like me, and can’t seem to find your more mature self, just giggle awkwardly instead. That wins you more stares from the people around you.
  2. Bring movie snacks. Some people get queasy stomachs when watching things like birth videos. That’s okay – bring some movie snacks! Popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and dry salted almonds are always a sure-fire win. But be forewarned that you may realize you have a gag reflex you never knew existed.
  3. Hold hands with your partner. To appease the awkward feelings, you may want to reach out to your partner for ease and comfort. It is a perfectly natural inclination to grab his/her hand, stroke it gently, and give a sweet smile. However, please be aware that your partner may retract their hand from yours, as watching a crowning baby’s head isn’t always a universal catalyst for intimacy. At that time, it is best to not continue to try to hold your partner’s hand, as he or she may have to verbally tell you to leave them alone. This solicits stares from others once again.
  4. Look away. If there is anything you absolutely cannot handle seeing, simply look away. This may result in your instructor asking why you didn’t appear to be watching any part of the birthing video.
  5. Drink lots of water. As a pregnant woman, this is a foolproof way to get out of any uncomfortable situation. The more you drink, the more you will have to pee. And no one will deny a pregnant woman the right to go pee when she requests it. If you drink enough water during the birthing video, you will undoubtedly have to go to the bathroom. This is good news, except quite a bummer when you return and realize your instructor politely paused the video to wait for your return. Damn.
  6. Practice your multiplication tables. If you can remember them, this is a terrific strategy. If you are like me, and never learned them in the first place, you are in trouble.

Every man and woman is capable of having successful birth video viewing with my helpful tips.

Stay strong. You can do it.

Be a birth preparation champion.

One Comment leave one →
  1. pastordt permalink
    August 15, 2012 6:15 pm

    :>) Thank you for the giggles. Take care.

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